So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
