I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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