OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
