Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
