The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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