we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
