True but thats because hes a fetus.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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