I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
