I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
