im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
