I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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