they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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