Jerry, you need to find god
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
