We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
