think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Drunk is not a location!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
