I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize