in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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