There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
