the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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