Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
