thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
