life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize