and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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