this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
