dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize