GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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