i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
