Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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