I want to stick my p in your. b.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
