He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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