It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
