I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
