Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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