My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
