I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
