Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
