if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
