So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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