he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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