Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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