I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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