her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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