I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
