I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
