So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
