Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize