And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
