so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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