so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
