one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
