i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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