The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I want a musical about memes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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