ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
