Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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