Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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