He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
