I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
