Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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