Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
