I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
