Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
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