Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
