put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
