based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
are you so shy because you have an std?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
