That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize