I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
home. puking in laundry basket.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
