am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
