i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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