Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
