I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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