We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
