as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
