Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
