Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
