Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize