There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize