maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
