i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
