the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
