I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
